The pitiful life of a “Vertically Challenged” man

Note: This an old post of mine that was on Facebook.

The first sentence when I meet a new person invariably happens to be “You are tall!” or a paraphrase of it. If it weren’t for the sake of acting “civilized”, I can assure you that they would have had some scars to show-off for the rest of their lives.

Once, when I was on my way to college, a complete stranger came up to me and asked, “How tall are you?” In my mind, images of a chainsaws, shotguns and torture devices started popping up. Breaking my fantasy, the guy repeats “Hey! What is your height man?” Thoroughly irritated, I reply “Well I’m between 6’2” and 6’3”” and walk away. Others ask me if I play basketball. Some go down to unprecedented levels by asking me my shoe-size.

I guess, after experiencing thousands of such questions and awkward moments, how a beautiful woman must be feeling when all kinds of people tell her that she is beautiful. It is flattering for the first few times and thereafter, it gets irritating. But hey, who the hell knows how women think anyway.

Family meetings and get-togethers are worse. The elders form a circle around me, lamenting the fact that how difficult it would be for THEM to find a girl for ME. Remember the saying “A mad person thinks everyone else is mad”, or something along that line? It can be derived from here that “A short person thinks everyone else is short”.

Little children with mouths wide open stare at me like I were the Eiffel Tower. Then they start running away, screaming for their mama, convinced that the Devil – which punishes the naughty children – had come for them.

What’s more? The public in general, is discriminative against the so called “Vertically Challenged”. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that some people, who by their sad fate, unfortunately had to grow over six feet. Jealous of the tall, the public goes to great lengths to trouble them. They build low doors, roofs and other structures, so that the tall have to bend over or damage their heads.

Let us consider the city bus. While they seem huge from the outside, I have to stand hunched once inside it. Come a speed-breaker, and BANG! My head hits the roof. On behalf all my “challenged” brethren, I demand that seats be reserved for people over six feet or that special roofless buses be plied.

However hard it may be, the people who are not challenged vertically should realise that those infested by that horrible disorder are nevertheless human beings. They should learn to treat them as normal people. Any mention of their “condition” only makes them feel irritated and depressed. Discrimination of these unfortunate souls should be stopped and efforts have to be made to make life better for them (which include manufacturing tall girls so that the 'elders' will at least not discuss how hard it would be for THEM to find a girl for ME).