I like being meta. Therefore, when I wanted to write about my obsession with pop-culture references, the first thing that came to my mind was a quote from Fight Club. In the movie, Tyler Durden says, “We're a generation of men raised by women.” Perhaps I belong to a generation raised on pop-culture. Or is it just me?
For someone whose introduction to pop-culture came quite only in my mid-teens, I think I am still very overdependant on pop-culture. I would imagine that most people draw inspiration from popular movies or books in certain real life scenarios. Don't you like the thought of proposing during the sunset, on a sand kissed beach. Who doesn't want to go on a road trip to exotic locations, on a journey to discover oneself? It feels so wonderful and it happens all the time in movies.
It goes far beyond that for me. Whenever I'm entering a zone in social conventions that I am not properly trained in (and that zone is quite expansive), I immediately fall back on pop-culture to help me. My brain starts racking frantically, quickly flipping through every movie and TV show I've seen. Surely, at least one character in all of those movies and shows must've been in the same situation that I find myself in.
I'm having a 'heart-to-heart' with someone and I'm obviously way out of my depth. But thankfully, the 'heart-to-heart' is one of the most popular tropes. It gives me a lot of options to choose my reaction from. Or I mostly just give a nod, adding, “I understand.” This usually does the trick. I've come to realise that most people just want someone to listen to them and aren't necessarily looking for sagely advice. Which works perfectly for me. I should think that it works well for the other person too, because any advice I give will likely add to their woes. But even this simple tactic isn't something I've come up with. It's stolen from Charlie Sheen's character in Two and Half Men. My incompetence in these situations should become apparent to you now.
This reliance though, is not just limited to 'human moments'. If I were to get married, I'd be waiting to get held up at work. Then, I'd get to use a line that I've always wanted to. “The wife's not gonna like this!” You probably know that 'I've always wanted to do that' is another trope. Normal people probably dream of having a house and kids.
When I told a friend that this is usually how I navigate most non-trivial conversations in my life, he was shocked. “How deprived of human interaction are you!?” he asked me. Perhaps to you, this does not just come across as being deprived of human interaction, but also insensitve and deceitful. You are thinking, “Someone's opening up to him and he can only respond with a line from a movie?” Hold on to that thought.
I've searched for an answer on why I can't respond genuinely or come up with original things to say in 'human moments'. I think I might've finally found it. Empathy. To be more precise, the lack of it.
The word empathy can be associated with the theory of modernisation (something I picked up in the last semester, but let's leave that aside). More interestingly though, it is also associated with psychopaths. The lack of empathy is one of the traits that are indicative of a psychopath.
Some of the other traits are glibness (fluent but insincere) and a shallow affect (limited range or depth of feelings and interpersonal coldness). These are words that are just more suave than insensitive and deceitful.
Remember I told you to put that thought on hold? Now play it again. Am I am psychopath?
For someone whose introduction to pop-culture came quite only in my mid-teens, I think I am still very overdependant on pop-culture. I would imagine that most people draw inspiration from popular movies or books in certain real life scenarios. Don't you like the thought of proposing during the sunset, on a sand kissed beach. Who doesn't want to go on a road trip to exotic locations, on a journey to discover oneself? It feels so wonderful and it happens all the time in movies.
It goes far beyond that for me. Whenever I'm entering a zone in social conventions that I am not properly trained in (and that zone is quite expansive), I immediately fall back on pop-culture to help me. My brain starts racking frantically, quickly flipping through every movie and TV show I've seen. Surely, at least one character in all of those movies and shows must've been in the same situation that I find myself in.
I'm having a 'heart-to-heart' with someone and I'm obviously way out of my depth. But thankfully, the 'heart-to-heart' is one of the most popular tropes. It gives me a lot of options to choose my reaction from. Or I mostly just give a nod, adding, “I understand.” This usually does the trick. I've come to realise that most people just want someone to listen to them and aren't necessarily looking for sagely advice. Which works perfectly for me. I should think that it works well for the other person too, because any advice I give will likely add to their woes. But even this simple tactic isn't something I've come up with. It's stolen from Charlie Sheen's character in Two and Half Men. My incompetence in these situations should become apparent to you now.
This reliance though, is not just limited to 'human moments'. If I were to get married, I'd be waiting to get held up at work. Then, I'd get to use a line that I've always wanted to. “The wife's not gonna like this!” You probably know that 'I've always wanted to do that' is another trope. Normal people probably dream of having a house and kids.
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| Get the reference? |
When I told a friend that this is usually how I navigate most non-trivial conversations in my life, he was shocked. “How deprived of human interaction are you!?” he asked me. Perhaps to you, this does not just come across as being deprived of human interaction, but also insensitve and deceitful. You are thinking, “Someone's opening up to him and he can only respond with a line from a movie?” Hold on to that thought.
I've searched for an answer on why I can't respond genuinely or come up with original things to say in 'human moments'. I think I might've finally found it. Empathy. To be more precise, the lack of it.
The word empathy can be associated with the theory of modernisation (something I picked up in the last semester, but let's leave that aside). More interestingly though, it is also associated with psychopaths. The lack of empathy is one of the traits that are indicative of a psychopath.
Some of the other traits are glibness (fluent but insincere) and a shallow affect (limited range or depth of feelings and interpersonal coldness). These are words that are just more suave than insensitive and deceitful.
Remember I told you to put that thought on hold? Now play it again. Am I am psychopath?
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