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The Angrez



"The Angrez" is a Hyderabadi movie, shot exclusively in Hyderabad and about the culture of Hyderabad. The following is a monologue by a character named Salim Pheku. As the name suggests, he has a habit of constantly telling stories and exaggerating things by bragging. This monologue is a a retelling of his biigest and best "Pheku". Enjoy! (He's the one on the extreme left of the above picture, btw)

Kal raat ko kya hua maloom? Krishna Oberoi mein daawat thi. Daawat mein jaate hi Managera Wanegera Hello Hai bole! Main bola, Party kahan chalri bole to, Blanket Hall mein chalri bole. 

Blanket Hall mein aisa ghuste hi poore logaa naach rahe. Main bola, ab mein naachne laga to poore pottiya mere ku lipat jaati. To main aisa baju se nikal raha hoon, toh do logaan thehre the. Jaate jaate suna, woh loga kya bole maloom? Arrey, inhe English film ka hero dikh ra hai nai?

Ab mein hallu jaake table pe baith gaya. Baithte hi waiter aaya. Aake bola “Sir anything thanda garam?” Ab sharrab toh mein pita nahi. Main bola ek aal mix fruit juice la bola. Aisa baith te hi samne se Mallika dikhi. Arrey, woh Murder walaa yaroon!

Bhag leke aake boli “Hi Salim! Where are you?  How do you do? Now you do?” Bol ke pakad li. “Mallika poore logaa dekh rahe, kya kar rahi tum?” bole to unhe kya boli maloom? “Aise hi kaama kare to apan popular hote” boli. Phir laptne aati! Mai bola, “dekho control mein raho!” Mere ko phir lapti ustaad! Lapat ke, idhar pappi, udhar pappi! Tum samajh rahe na? Udhar paapi, idhar paapi! Meri phoolna shuru ho gayi. Arrey! Saas phoolna shuru ho gayi yaroon! 

Uske baad, mere ku kya boli maloom? “Ab tum mere saath Bambai chalna” kathe. Bambai jaake main kya karronga? To kya boli maloom? “Main tumhare ko hero banana chahti”. “Bambai mein ek se ek hero hain Main aa ke kya karoonga?” To kya boli maloom? “Ek bhi hero kaam ka nahi hai Bambai mein”.

Thoda ek do glass beer weer jaake pee li unhe. Phir mere ku bol rahi, “Salim mere ko bore maar raha party mein, long drive pe jaana hai”. Ab Hyderabad mein usko long drive pe kahan leke jaaon? Kya kara mallom? Gaadi mein aisa bitha ke Begumpet se Panjagutta, Panjagutta se Necklace road maraa. Phir aisa Tank Bund leti hi kya boli maloom? “Salim mere ku ice cream hona!” Bolte hi aisa aake sidha Mojam Jahi market pe roka. Arrey Manshoor Ice Cream nahi hai yaroon? Wahan paanch paanch cup ice cream khaaye. Itni itni to cuppa the yarron. 

Kha liye ke baad, main bola, “ab toh aap zara thande hue honge” bolke sidha usko le gaya Krishna Oberoi tak. Main bola, “ab tum jao ghar ku mein bhi jaata hoon. Goodnight!” bole to. kya bol rahi maloom? “Salim ab tum kidhar jaana vaana nahi, aisa kaisa hota? Tum zara room ko chalo, kuch batana hai” boli. Ab mein kya kara, une boli karke, sidha room pe chale gaya. Ab room ko chale ke baad raat ko kya hua nakko poocho!

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